Food

I made some wicked chicken tikka this evening. I chose it for tonight as I know it's a healthy dish, whereas most of the other stuff I usually make is dependent on quite a bit of frying. It turned out particularly well, and was a hit with the family.

Unfortunately I can't say the same for the veg curry I made to accompany it. The problem was, not being able to fry the onions and spices in loads of oil to make a decent masala. I used a teaspoonful of oil, which was just not enough for my usual style of cooking. So I added a tin of tomatoes to cook the veges in, and although it turned out OK-ish, the kids weren't fans. Will have to get my thinking cap on for alternative ways of doing things!

Took some stuff to the British Heart Foundation charity shop this morning, and picked up a copy of their cookery book while I was there. Will be having a browse when I've finished this post.

And I am a very happy girl right now, because I've just realised I have 1 portion of carb allowance left as well as some extra calories from daily ration of 100 extra for naughty food. That means I can have a small bowl of porridge sweetened with honey for supper. And I'm glad of it, cos I do feel quite peckish.

My "now" pics - which will one day be my "before"pics!

I've just found these among my mum's photos, from when we were out dog walking the other day. I have a way to go, but it will feel great when I can say that this is what I used to look like.

So you want to lose weight for good

The title of this post is the title of the booklet I'm using for my healthy eating plan. It's produced by the British Heart foundation and is downloadable on their website if you follow this link and then click on the part where it says So you want to lose weight for good.

I found out about it via Frank Kinlan's blog, as he has used it, and still uses the guidelines, I believe. Frank's own weight loss has been inspirational, and the guide instantly appeals through its common sense approach, the fact that there is no calorie counting, and that it is a plan for life.

I also like that it suggests you focus on enjoying the new lifestyle you are leading and its benefits, rather than on the weight coming off. Weight loss will be gradual - around 1lb a week, which is what I want. Fast weight loss has never worked for me before. It always ends up going back on, with more besides.

In brief, the plan is based around a "healthy eating plate," where you pay attention to portion size. The image of the plate is presented as a sliced up pie chart with the following proportions:
33% bread, rice, potatoes, pasta and other starchy foods
33% fruit and vegetables
15% milk and dairy foods
12% meat, fish, eggs, beans and other non-dairy sources of protein
8% foods high in fat and or sugar
I haven't quite got my head around it yet, and what it's going to mean for my daily food intake, but I started yesterday anyway, doing as best I could. I have figured out the the biggest changes for me will be reducing the quantities of certain foods I eat, like meat and cheese, and drastically reducing oil and butter. I was having too much of all of these. Biscuit binging also has to stop!

Bits of me I don't like #1 - The double chin/nasty neck

When I was just starting to put on weight, several years ago, I used to say to myself "Well at least I don't have one of those awful chins like some people get. You know the kind?" Where the chin just sloped down into the neck and its all a big wad of fat, and you can't tell what's what. Urgh. It's always been one of my fears, because I don't have a strong jawline at all, so I've always sort of known I'm at risk.

Today, I have that problem. Not as bad as it could be - it could be worse. But I have that problem, and it's what I like the least about me when I catch sight of my reflection. More than anything, I think it changes the look of me. With fat round my neck like that, I don't feel like a person, I feel like a fat blob. Like a slug or something.

That's why when I took a photo today for my profile on here, I automatically did my trick of holding the camera high up and looking up to it - so that my chin fat doesn't show. Here it is:

Trick photo!

I don't look very happy do I? Must have been thinking "OMG will my chin flab show, will my chin flab show?" It's actually quite a clever photography trick (which I cottoned on to when I was once getting a studio portrait done) as the pic doesn't show the extent to which your'e looking up - but my hand with the camera was high in the air here. You can't live your life looking upwards though, or only associate with tall people who are looking down at you (actually, there's a thought ...!)

Honest photo

Here's a more honest shot. This is what I look like folks, full face frontal with extra padded chin.
No, I'm not pressing my chin into my neck, I always look like that.

Dreaded side view photo

And horror of horrors, here is the dreaded side view, which never comes out good. Return of the slug woman. To be honest, I'm not too unhappy with my face (we'll move on to the rest of me at a later date) apart from that neck. Look at the state of it! After some deliberation, I've decided that this one should be my current profile photo.

I am so hungry

It's half past ten, and this is the time I would normally have my second breakfast. I am so hungry right now, I could scream. I want fried eggs on toast. Or cheese and tomato on toast. Or both.

I'm going to try making a hot cup of tea with no sugar, and sipping it slowly while I do my writing, and try to get excited about my writing project.

But right now, nothing at all is more exciting than the idea huge slices of toast, adorned with fried egg and dripping yolk into the bread :-(

Wish me luck.


Update: I held out till midday! Although I mucked around on Facebook etc and procrastinated a bit, I also managed to write the first 400 words of the next chapter of my work in progress. Unfortunately, my lunch was 2 slices of cheese and tomato on toast (wholemeal). I know the cheese wasn't a particularly good thing to have, and I eat a lot of it too. Will have to sort out what I'm eating, as well as how much I'm eating.

Positive steps #1 - Eating more slowly

1. I'm eating more slowly.

My mother remarked the other day that I was eating too fast. It annoys me when she says stuff like that, but I know that on this occasion, she was right. I practically gulp my dinner down. Then I usually have another plateful, and gulp that as well.

I've had a sort of irritation / slight discomfort at the back of my throat for some time now. I was thinking of seeing the doctor about it. But for the past few days now I've slowed down my eating, it doesn't feel so bad. I wonder if I could have actually been hurting myself by gulping the food, and not chewing enough?

Eating more slowly makes dinner last longer. It causes me to relax, too, and to really enjoy the food, rather than just use it as a "hit." In the past, on previous diets for example when I've tried eating more slowly, I've found it tiresome and boring. But if you concentrate on the moment, and on enjoying the moment of eating, using it as relaxation time too, then it doesn't seem too bad.

I don't know why I took this as my first step, other than that it seemed a natural thing to do when I'm only going to allow myself one plateful rather than two.

Dare to dream ...

When I started this blog a few days ago, life changed immediately. I felt very motivated to do something about my weight, and to turn my life around. So for the past few days, I have eaten three meals a day only, and haven't binged at all.

Then yesterday, I stopped for a wrap in Starbucks when it wasn't a meal time. And I overate a bit at dinner. And today, I have felt very unmotivated to do anything much - just tired really. I haven't eaten particularly sensibly, either - had loads of biscuits, earlier.

It isn't just about the food, I knew that instinctively, right at the outset. It's all to do with my state of mind, and how positive, or otherwise, I'm feeling about the day and what I'm doing. If I'm not OK, or I'm bored, or feel overwhelmed by all I have to do, I start wanting to eat.

I think this is going to be about keeping myself excited about life. That's going to be a challenge, because I've forgotten how to dare to dream I will actually succeed. I've lost a lot of confidence over the years - which is an issue I need to address.

I've gained weight

I've put on weight since Christmas :-( I got on my daughter's Wii last night and found that I've gained around 5lbs, which has moved me up a little bit within the Wii's obese category. I'm now just over fourteen and a half stones. My BMI is 32.92, which is not that good really. My "me" on the top photo has its eyes shut! Obviously doesn't like the weight result much ...

My name is Christie and I am obese

I made a new year resolution to sort my life out, get slim, get things happening, but hey, guess what. Two weeks later, I gave up. Now it is May, and I've been trundling along with life, same old thing, not achieving much, overcome with the urge to sleep for part of the day and then stay up late playing goddam useless Facebook games. Not much money to speak of - my husband didn't get his bonus this year, so we can't go on holiday or anything, and my clothes are falling to bits. Oh yeah, and I'm blasting out of most of them as well.

My daughter got a Wii fit for Christmas. I got on it, and the damn thing weighed me - and then called me obese. Not a good word. Fat people are meant to be "big" these days, not obese. Obese sounds offensive, it sounds like a medical condition. Last time I clocked in (at Christmas) I weighed just over 14 stone, at 5ft 5 and a half inches tall. I take a size 20-22 on top, and have a size 18 arse. I'm 43 years old.

I wasn't always fat. I used to be dead skinny when I was at school. I didn't care much about food either way and meals were very often just an interruption to other interesting stuff I was doing. That was always the case, till I was about 21 and left my job.

It was my backside that started to get big first, I remember people remarking on it. By the September of my 22nd year, I had put on a bit of weight all over, and then I got pregnant. From then on, it has crept up gradually, through two more pregnancies, and then in the last few years, it has gone from 12 stone to my latest weight. I have an underactive thyroid, which will no doubt have something to do with it, but is really not the whole story.

That couple of extra stone has made a real difference to how I look and how I feel. I'm pretty unfit, and can't walk very far without getting out of breath. I have weird aches and pains, my neck is uncomfortable at night, I think because of the fat around it, and my feet hurt like hell when I walk. I can't wear most ordinary shoes or boots any more either because I'm too fat.

The problem is, food is my life. It's my main thing. I get ravenously hungry and I fantasise about food and what I'm going to eat most of the time. I'm rarely actually full, and could just about always have another dinner. Diets don't work for me, I can't stick to them, and I always end up weighing more than when I started.

So here I am. My new year resolution failed, as a lot of things tend to do in my life, May is here, and I am still obese. I know there is more than the issue of just food here, although food is definitely more than an issue.

I really want to find some way of making obesity bog off. It's hampering my life. It's time for it to go.