Eaty weekend

Not the best weekend ever.

We are still digesting the news about my husband's probable forthcoming redundancy, although we won't know for sure until sometime on Thursday. On the positive side, if there is a redundancy on the way, it will open up opportunities that we might otherwise have been too "comfortable" to go for or think about. So in some ways we're excited. Who knows what could be round the corner. In other ways, it's just insecurity, and I don't like that so much these days.

It wasn't only that which made it a bad weekend. Everything was on top of me - everything. House a mess, outstanding paperwork, dog didn't even get a walk yesterday, kids clothes and stuff all disorganised, and me wondering whether I'll ever finally get in control of it all one day, and manage to get myself a life.

I felt SO EATY this weekend. Constantly. So I did eat. The house being in a bad mess is always a danger sign for me, as it makes me feel out of control, and totally helpless. After Saturday night dinner there were loads of roast potatoes and roast sweet potatoes left in the pan, so I ate them all. Then I ate all the remaining chicken and sausage casserole. On Sunday, I ate all the left over kofte curry, including all the kids' remains from their plates. I was telling myself all the way through "I'm hungry! I'm still hungry, so I've got to do it!" When I'd finished, even though I hadn't got though half as much as I used to (finishing up leftovers was standard) I felt bloated, and this morning I have indigestion, and don't feel as full as energy as I have been doing of late.

So really, not the best weekend. This morning, I'd better recommit myself to starting again, I reckon. OK, let's get back on track ...

Kick up the arse

I have just received an almighty kick up the arse.

Yesterday afternoon, my husband received a phone call to say that his role in the company he works for is no longer required. From today, he is on a week's "gardening leave" and next week will go in to work for a consultation as to whether he can fulfil another role, or should take redundancy instead. If he goes for the other role, it will be lesser paid. If he takes redundancy, we don't expect much of a golden handshake, as his employers tend to be cautious about what they pay out. This is all out of the blue. Totally unexpected. My husband even went for lunch with one of the company directors last week, who gave no inkling of an idea of what was happening.

Suddenly, things aren't as secure and comfortable as they were 24 hours ago. Our future is currently uncertain. I don't know what to do, or think.

Before the bombshell struck, the only real thoughts swimming around in my head were:

1. This weight loss and exercise thing is going well. And I feel so happy!

2. We're going to Thailand in 3 weeks!

3. I really should get down to some writing some time.

Now I'm just a bit dazed. The Thailand thing was always a bit more than we could afford. I don't regularly do that kind of trip. I've never been to the East before. This was a one off, a real treat. It seems like madness, but the kids and me are still going - the tickets are paid for, and staying in the UK for summer would achieve nothing. So off we go. In three weeks time. Three weeks from today, in fact.

When I get back, it'll be September, term time starting again, and it could be that my life will be very different. My inner Northerner has been snarling at me for a while to drop the arty-farty pretensions that one day I'll be a writer, get off my arse, and get a proper job. My inner Northerner has a point, and soon the choice might be made for me. It might not even be a bad thing.

When Bishop Brennan got kicked up the arse by Father Ted in what has to be the funniest episode ever of that series, his face was frozen in surprise for about the next three days. That's where I'm at right now. So is my husband. He's still in bed at the moment, and I'm wondering if I should urge him to get up and start looking at job ads, or whether that would be a bit too fascist-like of me. Maybe I'll leave him to do it in his own time. He knows what has to be done. Maybe I should just make him breakfast. Yes, that's a plan.

Keep calm and carry on! That's my motto for today, and for the forseeable future.

Rest Day

I am so having a rest day from exercise today. Even my husband has said I've been behaving in a ridiculously fit manner (which was perhaps gently patronising but I'll take it as a compliment anyway!!)

My one planned bike ride into town was on Monday, which I blogged about. Then I had to do the same again on Tuesday, as I'd forgotten something. What I didn't have to do was take the dog on a walk down to the cycle route beforehand, but I did it because I knew she'd love it - even thought it's quite far away. So on Tuesday, I did a walk of 4.4 miles with the dog, followed by a cycle ride of 8.82.

The dog did love it - but through consideration to cyclists, we went right off the cycle path, going mainly along by the side of the river. See that bridge in the background, with its gentle incline upwards? The cycle path goes along it, and it doesn't seem so gentle when you're on it. Makes my thigh muscles BURN - even without any Jane Fonda involvement!

Then on Wednesday, I had an optician's appointment, for contact lenses. Did I take the bus? Nope, I cycled into town again. A true Yorkshire woman (I'm also part Scottish which makes it no better) my fist clamps on to my cash quite tightly, and if it means I can save the £3 I have to pay for a return bus fare to town, then I'll cycle there, dammit! This week I've saved £9 on bus fares so far. And cycled a cumulative total of 26.46 miles.

So like I said - today I'm putting my feet up! What you doin' today? Exercising or resting?

Weigh Day #6

Please forgive the stupid grin. But this morning I was a very happy girl, having just weighed in at 13 st 3. That's 2lbs gone again, and more importantly, my BMI has dropped to 29.76, meaning I am NOT OBESE any more!

If you look at that colour bar above, I have a long way to go through pink "overweight" before I reach the yellow "ideal" section, but a long journey made up of little steps is fine by me. The last time I posted a photo of myself was a month ago, and I've lost 9lbs since then. Not sure if it shows much - but the haircut and colour change does!

Why have I never done this before?

Probably because I was too fat and unfit, that's why. Not that I'm particularly sylph like now, but to my amazement, yesterday I managed to cycle into town. And back. For the first time ever.

It wasn't as far as I thought, just 4.4 miles each way (I'd reckoned about 6) and each journey took me just over half an hour. Here's the stats:

Distance: 8.82 miles

Cals burned: 313

Time taken: 1 hr 12 mins

Av speed: 7.4 mph

To see map of my route, click here.

There was of course a gap half way through that given time of 1hr12, where I went to the post office, which was today's mission. Passport renewal form needed checking so it can be sent off, ready for our stay in Thailand next month.

None of the route to town was on the road (apart from through our village, but I don't mind that because there are hardly ever any cars about anyway). It was cycle paths all the way. Why have I never done this before? Oh yes, I remember why. The fat and unfit thing. And because I didn't quite believe how traffic free the route would be.


This bit was really nice. Most of the route goes by the side of the river. The only problem was that there were very often people with dogs sauntering right down the middle of the cycle path. Bloody dog walkers.

I was amazed at how quickly I got into town. It's actually a bit quicker than going by bus.

Parked my bike in York's Museum Gardens, which is where the cycle path took me to, and I didn't have to cycle in town through traffic, to my great relief.

But then, guess what? When I got to the post office, it was pointed out to me that I'd forgotten a document which needed to be enclosed with the passport renewal form. So rather sooner than expected - like, not long after this post's gone up - I'll be doing this ride all over again!

The dog ate my pedometer

This week, the dog ate my pedometer.

No, it's not an excuse. She really did. While said pedometer wasn't actually devoured and digested, it was chewed enough to stop it functioning and I am a bit pissed off about this. There probably isn't even a lot of point buying another, as when the dog develops a taste for a certain kind of item, she tends to repeat offend. You only need to leave something lying around unattended once, and SNAP! Tooth marks and big dents dot com, forward slash dog slobber. We have no hair brushes left in the house to speak of (chewed up plastic handles with a bristle or two attached don't really count) apart from the one I bought last week, currently hidden in my handbag, but I don't kid myself it will last. And yes, she does have plenty of chewy toys of her own, but our stuff (which she takes hold of slyly and slowly with her head on one side) is apparently much better. I wonder if my pedometer tasted nice?

I did however manage to get out on three walks and a bike ride this week. The bike ride was the one I reported on earlier. The walks were good - two around my usual circuit of just under 2.5 miles, and the third which was longer than usual, and I had to plot on map my walk to find out the details (I WONDER WHY, MRS DOG-FACE?) It came up at 4.24 miles, which I was quite pleased with. Not bad for an evening dog walk - although she clearly didn't deserve it!

So the exercise goals went well this week, and food continues to go OK too. Have I written anything this week? Nope. Bugger all. Feel a bit like a comedy character in that respect - the writer with permanent writer's block, LOL! At least I'm writing this blog. And I do feel like things are coming together, I'm not sure how, but I am sure that they are :-)

This weeks goals:

3 x walks

1 x bike ride

Keep important stuff out of way of dog.

Birthday!

Yesterday, I sat down on a bench by York Minster, and realised ho much I've changed in the past month and a half. I have no real explanation as to why it's happened now, and not sooner or later, but I'm glad that it has.

It was my birthday yesterday, and I decided to treat myself to a new pair of glasses. The ones I wear at the moment are held together at the corner by a piece of tape, like Jack Duckworth. So I got a sight test, ordered some snazzy specs, and when I was done I treated myself to some lunch items from M&S, and I sat on my bench.

And as I sat there, I realised I was happy. Not worrying or stressing about anything at all. Just happy. It was only 10.30am, but I was peckish, so I opened my sandwich. Lochmuir poached salmon and watercress on oatmeal bread. Quite a lot of dill mayonnaise on there, but what the hell, birthday girls rule and they can have dill mayo. I sat and I ate. I ate and I sat.

How long does it take you to eat a sandwich? I used to eat one in about a minute flat before moving on to a samosa or pack of sushi. Then dessert. But I don't eat like that any more. My Lochmuir salmon sandwich took me around ten minutes to eat, as I sat there, savouring every mouthful. I really enjoyed it, and wasn't ashamed of enjoying it. There's nothing wrong, after all, with appreciating food. I also wasn't ashamed of eating in public, or imagining that people going past were thinking "Look at that fat woman eating at only half ten in the morning!" I didn't even know I used to have thoughts like that all the time, till I've managed to stop having them. It feels so different.

I don't think I've ever been quite as at peace with myself as I was sitting on that bench yesterday. Not since I was a kid.

I also realised that slowing down with my eating and changing my attitude towards food is also paying of in other areas of my life. Just as I was enjoying every bite of my sandwich, I was also enjoying every minute of being there, by the Minster, on my bench. I didn't feel like I was wasting time. I wasn't convinced I should actually be doing something else. I even felt that my use of time was productive. Do you know how long it is, since I've actually felt productive? Too long.

In the afternoon I treated myself to a look round one of my favourite York places, Treasurer's House, and generally had a me-day, till it was after school time and normal life was resumed. But what a great day. I like that my birthday falls exactly half way through the year. This year, I'm pretty happy with the way things are going :-)

Weigh Day #5

Another 2lbs gone. People are noticing I've lost weight now, which is quite rewarding. Watch me go! Next week I'll be standing sideways and you won't even see me ;-)

It's weird how THIN my current weight of 13st 5 feels on the "way down" so to speak. On the way up, weight-wise, it would have been quite the opposite, as my heaviest weight had always been about 12st 4, and to gain a whole stone on top of that was a disaster. Not that I was looking on the way up. But now, at 13st 5, I feel like I could turn cartwheels (but don't worry, I'm not going to try, I don't want to put my back out at this stage).

Wii Fit, you are very clever, yesterday was indeed my birthday. Shame I can't slim the age down as well as the weight ...!